There are hundreds of gadgets, games, and activities to fuel our alcohol induced ADD minds when at a party, a bar, or just relaxing with a few friends. Some are designed to encourage friendly competition and bragging rights, some are born out of necessity, and some are engineered to shoot alcohol down our throats at unnatural speeds. For every crafty drinker there is an odd invention to accompany them, here are a few interesting contraptions.

Ratings are on a 1-10 scale according to usefulness

Re-sealable bottle caps: No, not the original metal caps you try to bite off with your teeth to impress girls at parties (definitely does not work, btw). A few different companies have their version of a gadget that “Re-Caps” your beer to save for later, either for storage or to distinguish your beer from your friend’s. The idea of recapping a beer after it is opened is insulting. In no setting should this need to be done and no self respecting beer lover would do it.

Rating: 1 (Note: This would be negative, but they do have some use in identifying your beer with brightly colored rubber caps. I take that back, bright colors should be nowhere near beer, -10)

The beer holster: This is exactly what it sounds like. A holster that straps around your waist so you can quick draw your brew for immediate drinking, old western style. Not only will this make you look awesome like John Wayne (who I’m sure owned one, or currently does in cowboy heaven). Its value is infinite, making your beer hands free and mobile for maximum comfort and snacking ability. There are also dual beer holster versions for the ultimate beer lover who just can’t walk around without packing as much heat as possible.

Rating: 10

The USB fridge: Immediately this sounds like breakthrough technology, but it doesn’t go without faults. The USB mini-fridge is a small fridge that houses a single can of beer and plugs in into your computer to keep your brew cold. While yes, this does keep your beer cool, it only keeps one at a time proving to be inefficient when trying to drink ten. Even when drinking casually and used to maintain a stasis in temperature, it adds another barrier between you and your drink, further complicating an otherwise simple process. Not to mention you can’t fit bottles inside it, or even kegs or sausages.

Rating: 4

The Tinchilla: The Tinchilla is the Lou Ferrigno version of the USB fridge. Put your beer in, fill with ice and water, make it mad, and in 60 seconds you have a cold beverage. The Tinchilla works by submersing the can in ice water and spinning it at high speeds, creating a vortex inside the can and maximizing exposure to the cool sides of the can. Getting your beer cool can be accomplished for free by not planning ahead, but why bother when you have something as cool sounding as this? 

Rating: 15 (mostly because of the word ‘Tinchilla’)

The Beer Tracker: Trying to remember how much you drank the previous night has been a problem since the dawn of alcoholic beverages. What could be more useful than a tool that helps you keep track? The Beer Tracker is a bottle opener with a digital counter on it that tallies each time you crack one open. This is also a double edged sword as remembering things about your previous night is not always a good idea. Having something around that reminds you that you drank more than a dozen beers could prove discomforting, especially if it jogs your memory on other things, like that you dispersed those twelve beers all over your friend’s leather couch.

Rating: 7

The R/C Beer Cooler: Some of the best things in life are often the product of taking two previously amazing things and fusing them together (like bacon + anything). This is a remote controlled cooler that you can put your beer in and drive around. Its real value shines when you find yourself in a situation where you and your stash of beer are separated by great distances, and traversing through your seemingly endless backyard or patio is an unfathomable task--or you and your friends are just really lazy. Keep in mind that as your level of intoxication increases, so does the likelihood that you drive this sucker into the pool, or even worse, toward someone that might be compelled to drink your beer, forcing you to get up and do stuff.

Rating: 8 (while yes there aren’t many situations where you would realistically use it, you will look awesome when you do)

Beer Soap: Ever wanted to wake up and smell like you charged through a frat house blindfolded on St. Patty’s day, but didn’t want the hangover? You’re in luck. Beer soap comes in a variety of different fragrances of your favorite types of beer. Ok so bathing with these soaps will probably not make you smell like John Belushi, but it will make you thirsty.

Rating: 3

Bottle Opener Remote Control: Yes. Game over, nothing further.

Rating: 4,339,421

10.19.10