Top 20 'Guy Walks Into a Bar' Jokes of All Time

by The Drink Nation on Mar 31, 2016 in Culture

We’ve all heard our fair share of bar jokes. Some of them warrant a chuckle, some a groan, but we’ve come across a few that actually make us laugh. Below you’ll find 20 great takes on the classic “A guy walks into a bar…” joke.

1. Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

2. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. 

3. A guy walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender says, "Hey pal, don't start anything in here." 

4. So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse has crippling depression, alcoholism is his only escape. 

5. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a pint and a mop."

6. Helium walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve Noble Gases here." He doesn't react. 

7. A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink called Freddy?"

8. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O." The second chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H20 too." The second chemist dies.

9. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H20." The second chemist says, "I'll take a water too." The first chemist breaks down in tears. His assassination attempt failed.

10. A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, "Dry?" The German replies, "Nein, just one."

11. George R. R. Martin, Joss Whedon, and Steven Moffat walk into a bar, and everyone you've ever loved dies.

12. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

13. So a five dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey. This is a singles bar." 

14. A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here." "Why not?" asks the snake. "You can't hold your liquor."

15. A Roman walks into a bar, hold up two fingers, and says, "Five beers please."

16. A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into the bar. The bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”

17. So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

18. A Roman walks into a bar and says, "One martinus please." The bartender replies, "Don't you mean martini?" The Roman says, "If I wanted more than one, I would have asked."

19.Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "We don't serve your type in here." 

20. A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

Do you have a better 'Guy walks into a bar' joke? Let us hear it on Facebook or Twitter.

Recent Articles
spacer

Feedback

How are we doing? Tell us what you like or don't like and how we can improve. We would love to hear your thoughts!

*Name:
*E-mail:
*Suggestions:
 
The Shark Week Drinking Game

The Shark Week Drinking Game

This year, one of cable TV's longest-running programs celebrates its 29th anniversary. Enjoy it to the fullest with this handy game. Shark Week starts...read more ›

by The Drink Nation Jun 26, 2016
A Spanish Winemaker is Producing Blue Wine

A Spanish Winemaker is Producing Blue Wine

We've all heard of red wine and white wine. But now, we can get what we've always dreamed of when looking through a wine list: blue wine. ...read more ›

by Ryan Hudak Jun 21, 2016
Devil's Creek Brewery Is Open in Collingswood

Devil's Creek Brewery Is Open in Collingswood

Collingswood's first brewery, Devil’s Creek Brewery, opened its doors recently on May 21 at its new spot on Haddon Avenue....read more ›

by Erica Bauwens Jun 2, 2016
SPONSORED
Drink Nation Store Rectangle
Craft Beer Garden and Restaurant Comes to Cooper River

Craft Beer Garden and Restaurant Comes to Cooper River

Cooper River Park in Pennsauken may be known for weddings and crew races, but a new beer garden is giving craft beer lovers a new excuse to check out ...read more ›

by Erica Bauwens Jun 2, 2016
Tonewood Brewing Is Coming to Oaklyn

Tonewood Brewing Is Coming to Oaklyn

Oaklyn is getting a brand new brewery called Tonewood Brewing, which will be run by two brothers, with a projected opening date of Tuesday, June 7....read more ›

by Erica Bauwens Jun 2, 2016
Medford's Main Street Is Experiencing a Craft Beer Boom

Medford's Main Street Is Experiencing a Craft Beer Boom

Medford in Burlington County will soon be home to two craft breweries along their Main Street drag....read more ›

by Erica Bauwens May 18, 2016
The Inventor of St. Germain, Robert J. Cooper, Has Passed Away at 39

The Inventor of St. Germain, Robert J. Cooper, Has Passed Away at 39

The inventor of St. Germain passed away on Monday, April 25, 2016....read more ›

by Alexander Frane May 2, 2016
Make This Purple Cocktail To Honor Prince's Memory

Make This Purple Cocktail To Honor Prince's Memory

Make this delicious purple cocktail to honor Prince's memory....read more ›

by The Drink Nation Apr 21, 2016
This Late Night L.A. Restaurant is Serving Boozy Bowls of Classic Kids Cereal

This Late Night L.A. Restaurant is Serving Boozy Bowls of Classic Kids Cereal

Grab a boozy, late-night breakfast at L.A.'s newest concept....read more ›

by Alexander Frane Apr 19, 2016
Disney's Tower of Terror Is Getting a Bar

Disney's Tower of Terror Is Getting a Bar

Disney's Tower of Terror is getting its very own bar....read more ›

by Alexander Frane Apr 15, 2016
SPONSORED
View all Articles

Sign up to get weekly drinking news, bar reviews, events and more sent directly to your inbox!

Close